In the wake of losing my father, my wife asked me what he taught me. When I took a good solid look at it, it amazed me how much of me was me because of things my Dad probably never meant to teach me.
Like stopping to help someone, just because they needed it.
Like teaching someone how to do something, just because they asked if I could do it for them.
Like challenging yourself. Like trying again and again. Like being ambitious. Like constantly learning new things.
Like not being afraid to take pleasure in life.
My point is that your children will learn more from who you are and how you react to life than you ever imagine they will. Take the time to really be aware of who you are and what you teach by example. Be aware of how you react to things, then identify the why so that you can react better and better.
Don't be afraid to be excited about life. Your kids will pick up on that and benefit from it.
Don't be afraid to look at your weaknesses, they are as much a part of you as your strengths, but do not dwell on them. Find your strengths and use them to compensate for your weaknesses. Know what makes you imperfect, that way you can teach your children from your imperfections.
Just a short post today. More to come soon.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
Rest in Peace, John P. Lee
John P. Lee (1933-2011)
Like every hero he had his flaws. He was a procrastinator, stubborn as hell, quick tempered and (more than occasionally) foul-mouthed. He didn't pay enough attention to what the future could be, including the future of his health. And somehow vehicles and money had the same life span around him.
Yet the impact of his life is immeasurable, and the affects of his gifts to the world are ripples of joy, love and happiness that spread through people he's met and even to some who have never met him.
He almost always had a smile on his face. He always had a joke or a funny story to tell. He loved to share his joy for life with others. His dreams included 40-foot yachts, more vacations to Alaska, fishing without a time limit, and grandchildren. To top it off, he was a snazzy dresser and pretty damn handsome!
And he loved his dancing. Doing it, teaching it, watching it, writing about it - it didn't matter, if it had to do with making the body perform beautiful motions, he loved it. He had more rhythm, grace and passion in his little toe than anyone I've ever met, or seen. John's dance poses were so graceful flamingos would cry in envy when they saw him. John's attitude and strut were so smooth and powerful that peacocks would hide in the corner and whimper with jealousy.
John was a trouble maker of a youth. Then, to go somewhere, he joined the Navy. He used to joke about how ironic it was that he joined the Navy to travel and see the world, only to end up in Virginia for four years. Following that, he was a cop, an EMT/Search and Rescue, and a recruiter for a recording company.
But his most influential professional role was that of ballroom dance teacher. John wasn't satisfied with having dance to himself, he had to share it with anyone and everyone he could. And, if it is even possible, he taught dancing with even more passion than he had when he danced himself. Teaching was so much a passion of his, that he developed an entire curriculum around teaching people how to be dance teachers.
John was a hero because he both saved and changed lives.
I know a few stories of his that he shared about being a cop where he saved a few lives. He didn't share too many of those though - being a cop left him with a lot of scars, both physical and emotional. One story I remember very clearly was when he grabbed a thug's arm just before said thug shoved a knife into another cop's gut. That's just one though, there were many more and even more than that I never got to hear. Same goes for his time as an EMT/Search and Rescue member.
But how many lives did he change with his love of dancing? We'll never know because the effects are too widespread to determine. How many couples rekindled love on his dance floor? How many people met their soul mate on his dance floor? How many of his students got others into dancing who found joy and happiness on the dance floor? How many of his students went dancing after a crappy day at work, giving themselves the chance to have fun and think positively for a change, and how many of those people went on to make positive changes in their life as a result?
I know several of his students that married after taking lessons with him. I'm sure there were many more.
Dad would always light up when I asked him for a dance lesson. He loved teaching my wife and I to dance. I don't think I ever got into dancing as much as he would have liked, but he was always proud of whatever I did do.
Dad was one of the most supportive people in my life. He didn't always agree with my choices, but he always supported them because they were my choices. Despite not having a real father figure in his life, Dad did pretty damn well being a good one in mine. Sure, there are some things I'm doing differently as a father, but I know my Dad is proud that I'm doing differently. My being a dedicated father is a testament to how important he was to me as Dad.
Dad and I always played rough with each other. We wrestled rough, we sparred constantly, and we played hardball when it came to jesting with each other. It was what Dad could do to teach me how to be tough. It worked to, because even though I wasn't the biggest kid on the block, I always felt I could take that kid on if I had to.
That and throw me in the deep end of the pool when I was five, just to teach me how to swim. That worked too, and now that's how I live my life. I'm not rich (yet) and I'm not perfect, but I'd say I'm doing very well.
I'm not afraid to take on big tasks, because Dad always thought big.
I'm not afraid to take a tumble, because Dad let me see he wasn't perfect.
I'm not afraid to try again, because Dad always got up swinging.
See? Even those faults I listed above came in handy!
Life merely happens around you unless you grit your teeth, growl a little, and jump right into the middle of the dance floor. Doesn't matter if you don't know all the steps; do what you can, and do it well, until you learn more. And don't wait forever, the song isn't that long.
Life was all about perspective. Dad knew that, even if he wasn't the best at executing it. He used to say, "If you didn't know when your birthday was, how old would you be?" That mindset is one of the reasons Dad stayed young for so long.
He didn't get to see a lot of his granddaughter, but when he did he always told me, "You did good Son. You two did good!" She'll know how great you were Dad, I promise you that. Hell, she already has started to enjoy dancing, and she's not even two yet!
In 2008, Dad had a stroke that initiated a downward spiral in his health. On October 28th, 2011, at high noon, Dad decided that he would be able to dance much better if he wasn't in his body anymore.
Enjoy the infinite dance floor Dad. Say hi to Grandma, Nana, and everyone else. Have a martini with Fred Astaire and dance as long as you want!
Per his request, his body will be donated to help researchers and doctors learn more about saving lives.
VIDEO PROJECT: John's son wishes to collect more video of John. If you were a student of John's, and would like to share the video tapes of your lessons, please email DaddyByTheMoments or call (916) 284-5045 with your contact information and Jordan will contact you.
Per his request, his body will be donated to help researchers and doctors learn more about saving lives.
VIDEO PROJECT: John's son wishes to collect more video of John. If you were a student of John's, and would like to share the video tapes of your lessons, please email DaddyByTheMoments or call (916) 284-5045 with your contact information and Jordan will contact you.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Still Here!
Hello my readers.
I apologize for the lack of updates this week; I've been dealing with a family health crisis that has been occupying all of my time.
I will get back to writing here soon.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Sign, Sign, Everywhere a Sign.
First off, I want to apologize to my readers for being away for a week. Been handling some stuff that couldn't wait. It's better now, or getting better at the very least. But, hey, starting a change is infinitely more effective than doing nothing!
Today I'd like to talk to you about my experience with American Sign Language and the benefits of teaching it to your child.
Drum roll and disclaimer...
This is all strictly my opinion and experience. Please perform all your own fact checking and make up your own mind! Like a wise man once said, "The problem with information on the Internet is that it can't all be verified", Abraham Lincoln.
Disclaimer, FIN.
My daughter is growing up tri-lingual: English, Persian (Farsi) and sign language. No, I'm not a Tiger Mom, it just happens to be the cultural make up of our family. Well, except sign language, that accessory was optional. I learned sign language when I was a baby (thanks Mom!) and also took it in college for a couple years, so it was a tool that was available to us.
I am an advocate of teaching your baby sign language for a number of reasons, but I'll discuss those by tackling four of the big misconceptions I've heard of teaching your baby sign language:
- "Won't it slow their speech development?"
Not at all, in fact, giving them a method of communication that is not limited to the restrictions of an underdeveloped tongue allows them to start learning how communication works, which will accelerate their spoken communication. According to babies-and-sign-language.com, some of the additional benefits include: reduced frustration for the child at not being able to express needs or wants, a better understanding of emotions and how to communicate them, an opportunity for the child to feel satisfied and accomplished, increased creative thinking, increased early literacy skills. - "Do I have to be fluent in sign language to teach it to her?"
Nope! Learn one sign at a time together with her and practice when they are appropriate. My preference to start was "potty" or the sign for bathroom, but my little one picked up "mommy", "daddy" and "auntie" pretty quick too. "Please" and "thank you" were a couple of my personal favorites and we started with those early, making sure she used them every time we brought her food, or her milk, or a toy or pacifier for her.
Your baby is probably only going to learn one sign at a time anyway, so take that opportunity to do the same (this is how I'm learning Persian at a pace that I pray is keeping up with my daughter...).
Visit this site for a video dictionary of ASL that is priceless! Find one word a day and practice it all day long. Pretty soon you and your child will be communicating better than you thought possible! - "How do I know which baby sign book is the best?"
Let me be specific: my daughter is learning American Sign Language - the official language of the American deaf community - what she is not learning is "baby sign".
Just think of how you (I hope) teach your baby to speak You don't want them growing up speaking baby talk, so you teach them English (or the language of choice for your country). Sure, it's going to take them a while to get all the pronunciation correct, but the the goal is proper English (or other primary language - it's harder than I thought to write for an international community!). The same applies to sign language; the goal should be that they can eventually communicate with the deaf in your community, so to achieve that goal you'd have to teach them the proper language of the deaf in your community - in our case, that's American Sign Language. Of course my daughter can't do ALL the signs with 100% dexterity, but she knows what the goal is and she keeps working toward it! With plenty of enthusiastic encouragement from her parents of course...
My point is that there are plenty of resources to learn ASL for free, at the very least enough to empower your child with an additional approach to communication. Meanwhile, a lot of books claim to have the best "baby signs" and are more than happy to take your money in order to teach you how to teach your child signs that will do nothing for them when they are grown up. Don't waste your money - learn the real stuff for free.
If you are a reader in another country, please feel free to list any resources for your culture's sign language in the comments section! - "I have to start early, right? If they are 2 is it too late?"
To this I say, did you stop learning your language at 2? Of course not! Start as soon as you're comfortable!
If you have any questions about sign language, please visit www.ASLpro.org! This is a free site with a plethora of information.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Happiness Training
Wow, this is exciting! Thank you to everyone who has started reading and sharing this blog! I've already seen readers from all over the world, literally! Germany, Russia and Japan - and it's very thrilling!
There are so many ideas buzzing around in my head, and so many are interconnected, that it is very difficult to pick just one to write about! As always, if you have any topic requests or questions, please email me at DaddyByTheMoments@Gmail.com! Today's topic is a little close to home, not so much for me but for someone close to me. I'll be using the feminine "her" to refer to the child today, but it applies to the Father-Son relationship just as much.
The moment I'm going to talk about today is that moment when your child comes up to you with an "A" on her report card, or great news that she made the team or came in 2nd in the tournament, or a drawing that she just completed or a song she wrote, or to tell you how she just rode her bike all the way down the block on her own...
It's that moment when she comes to you looking to feel like her accomplishment means something to the "King of the House". When she wants to know what impact her actions have in this world.
Before this moment ever happens, think less about how your child affects you and more about how you affect your child! After all, they are going to be around affecting the world longer than you are.
This is a pivotal moment, one where the first thing that comes out of your mouth will be a part of her mental programming for years to come, probably the rest of her life.
Your reaction to her will teach her how to predict her future. Think about that. Really stop and think about it! What do you want to teach your child?
Do you want to teach her that this great thing she did is mediocre, or just expected? That this feeling of victory and accomplishment that she's feeling is really nothing? That she should go through life never being happy, or even satisfied, with her accomplishments but that she should always have to do better? Because this is what you will teach her if you do not react with more passion than she has. Because you are her role model, if you respond to her great feeling of accomplishment with less emotion and less joy and more negativity than what she is feeling, you will be teaching her that she is too excited, that she shouldn't feel this good, that she's making too big a deal out of it and that her happiness will always remain on the other side of the next achievement, forever out of reach.
But if you take the time, take the moment, to respond to her with more passion about her victory than even she has, you will be teaching her such wonderful things! You will be teaching her that every accomplishment can be celebrated for what it is, that she has achieved something, that there may be so far to go but the fact that she's taking steps in that direction is amazing and powerful, and that her first step was beautiful and well executed. You will be teaching her that happiness is now - RIGHT NOW - not "when I get this I can be happy" or "when I accomplish this then I'll be allowed to be happy". You will be teaching her to expect success and happiness out of what she does and in what she does and that will give her a sense that she can do anything she really wants to!
What do you want to teach her? Because she wants to learn, and she will live the lesson her whole life!
To those who misunderstand this and think I'm advocating a blanket parenting policy of celebrating mediocrity and lying to your child that they are perfect and there is never room for improvement, that is not what I mean. I'm not saying to celebrate a "D" on the report card or celebrate when she doesn't make the team, but respond to her - even the "D" and getting cut from the team - with more optimism than she has because even just a little more optimism will be enough to teach her to take mistakes in stride, pick herself up off the ground, and give it another try (more on allowing mistakes in another post - stay tuned!).
Because the parents are their world inside the home, every time you respond to your child you teach them how to react to the world outside the home. You are there to teach your child how to handle the world, so pay close attention to the techniques you are giving them!
There are so many ideas buzzing around in my head, and so many are interconnected, that it is very difficult to pick just one to write about! As always, if you have any topic requests or questions, please email me at DaddyByTheMoments@Gmail.com! Today's topic is a little close to home, not so much for me but for someone close to me. I'll be using the feminine "her" to refer to the child today, but it applies to the Father-Son relationship just as much.
The moment I'm going to talk about today is that moment when your child comes up to you with an "A" on her report card, or great news that she made the team or came in 2nd in the tournament, or a drawing that she just completed or a song she wrote, or to tell you how she just rode her bike all the way down the block on her own...
It's that moment when she comes to you looking to feel like her accomplishment means something to the "King of the House". When she wants to know what impact her actions have in this world.
Before this moment ever happens, think less about how your child affects you and more about how you affect your child! After all, they are going to be around affecting the world longer than you are.
This is a pivotal moment, one where the first thing that comes out of your mouth will be a part of her mental programming for years to come, probably the rest of her life.
Your reaction to her will teach her how to predict her future. Think about that. Really stop and think about it! What do you want to teach your child?
Do you want to teach her that this great thing she did is mediocre, or just expected? That this feeling of victory and accomplishment that she's feeling is really nothing? That she should go through life never being happy, or even satisfied, with her accomplishments but that she should always have to do better? Because this is what you will teach her if you do not react with more passion than she has. Because you are her role model, if you respond to her great feeling of accomplishment with less emotion and less joy and more negativity than what she is feeling, you will be teaching her that she is too excited, that she shouldn't feel this good, that she's making too big a deal out of it and that her happiness will always remain on the other side of the next achievement, forever out of reach.
But if you take the time, take the moment, to respond to her with more passion about her victory than even she has, you will be teaching her such wonderful things! You will be teaching her that every accomplishment can be celebrated for what it is, that she has achieved something, that there may be so far to go but the fact that she's taking steps in that direction is amazing and powerful, and that her first step was beautiful and well executed. You will be teaching her that happiness is now - RIGHT NOW - not "when I get this I can be happy" or "when I accomplish this then I'll be allowed to be happy". You will be teaching her to expect success and happiness out of what she does and in what she does and that will give her a sense that she can do anything she really wants to!
What do you want to teach her? Because she wants to learn, and she will live the lesson her whole life!
To those who misunderstand this and think I'm advocating a blanket parenting policy of celebrating mediocrity and lying to your child that they are perfect and there is never room for improvement, that is not what I mean. I'm not saying to celebrate a "D" on the report card or celebrate when she doesn't make the team, but respond to her - even the "D" and getting cut from the team - with more optimism than she has because even just a little more optimism will be enough to teach her to take mistakes in stride, pick herself up off the ground, and give it another try (more on allowing mistakes in another post - stay tuned!).
Because the parents are their world inside the home, every time you respond to your child you teach them how to react to the world outside the home. You are there to teach your child how to handle the world, so pay close attention to the techniques you are giving them!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
By Special Request
I was asked to tackle the topic of "Chinese" parenting as discussed in the article about a Yale law professor who is raising her two daughters the way she was raised, and catching no small amount of flak for it, when she published a book chronicling her rigid parenting practices.
Disclaimer and shameless plug...
Now, I am not a successful law professor and I haven't raised two children (14 and 18) who can play the piano and probably max out their SATs, so my discussion on this topic will be mostly in the form of questions. I always welcome feedback, so please feel free to email me at daddybythemoments@gmail.com, or send me a message on my Twitter page, if you have any responses to this post. Additionally, I'm drinking my first cup of coffee while writing, so chances are good that the article will end much better than it starts...
Now that that's done...
Chua, the Yale law professor and author being interviewed, refers to her parenting style as the "immigrant" style, saying "Millions of people raise their children this way. It’s not just Chinese people. It’s really an immigrant thing." From the article (I have not read the book...yet), the immigrant parenting style she employs - because she was raised this way - involves:
"academic excellence and a lot more rules so that kids grow up much more slowly. No boyfriends. No sleepovers. Total respect for parents. Daily drilling in math and Chinese when they’re little. Speaking Chinese at home."
...but it's okay because:
"What the Chinese parent is conveying to the child is not that “you’ve got to get A’s or else I won’t like you.” On the contrary, it’s, “I believe in you so much, I know that you can be excellent.”"
...and...
"I was raised by extremely strict but extremely loving Chinese immigrant parents, so I experienced this as a kid and I had a lot of issues: “Why can’t I go to my friend’s house? Why does everybody else get to celebrate when they get an A-? Why do I have these chores? Why can’t I go to parties?” To this day I adore my parents and I feel that I owe everything to them."
So, how I understand it, immigrant parenting creates a rigid outline for the child's life and then expects them to fulfill the requirements of that outline while setting aside any personal development, and all that comes off harsh but that's okay because the ends justify the means.
Sounds like something I went through. Oh, not with my parents though...I went through that with a Drill Sergeant in the U.S. Army. They both produce results, but for what purpose and at what cost?
I can see how Chua feels that she is creating an environment that will give her children all the tools for success that they need: determination, discipline, appreciation for the arts and an academic arsenal worthy of an aircraft carrier. But what about the other important aspects to growing up like finding out who you are? Loving and losing? Emotional roller coasters that teach you how to handle yourself? Where do those fit in? As far as I can tell, they don't - and can't - fit into this model of parenting.
Now Chua does have a great point when she says that "although Western parents are the ones that worry so much about self-esteem – and Chinese parents don’t, they assume strength rather than fragility – I wonder if the Chinese approach isn’t better at creating self-esteem". Too many parents in America coddle their children and let their children walk all over them. Just watch a few Nanny 911 episodes and you'd have to agree that American parents do tend to be weak in the areas of structure and consistency. But isn't there a middle ground? What is the motivation behind raising your child like a good little soldier?
The only motivation I can see is fear.
Chua, and other parents employing this rigid system of parenting want to create strong academic soldiers because they are afraid that there is no other way their child will accomplish anything. They are afraid that their child will not be able to fit into the world the way they were built. They are afraid that their children do not come equipped with everything they need to tackle this world deep inside them.
Soon, I'll write a post about taking on your fears and issues so that your children won't have to. In the meantime, please Netflix the movie Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story so that you'll have some context.
Chua even says that, "If you give a [child] the choice to pursue his or her passion, it’s going to be doing Facebook for six hours. I don’t think it’s going to be playing the violin or doing any school work very seriously." Again I say, where is the middle ground? Why does it have to be Facebook or Violin? What happens when the child turns 40, realizes they don't have to play violin and that they might not like it but never had the chance to figure that out?
Personally, I can't subscribe to it. I feel that, just like the apple seed, children come to this earth with all the talents they need to tackle their corner of the world right there within them, and like the blooming flower's petals, each one will reveal itself when the time is right.
But when you cut the flower out of the garden and stick it in a glass with color-dyed water, you'll never know what it would have looked like if you just let it grow naturally.
I've seen what a nurturing, free-range environment can produce. My sister has raised an incredible young lady by being her coach and providing her choices that were parent approved, and then letting her daughter make the decision on which way to go.
That is, in my opinion, being a true leader for your child; being a coach and a guide for your child while they develop themselves emotionally, academically, physically and spiritually. Show your child what bad choices are, then show them all the good choices they can make and let them run wild! Let them explore themselves and discover who they really are and what their natural talents are, not just who you expect them to be! If you force your child into three hours a day of violin, or dance, or piano just because you think it's good for them but not because they asked for it, how will you ever know if they would have been a million-dollar painter, or guitarist, or the next great astronomer? Or who knows, maybe even the next billion-dollar social media innovator...
Special thanks to SR for the topic and to Amy Chua for showing me another choice!
Disclaimer and shameless plug...
Now, I am not a successful law professor and I haven't raised two children (14 and 18) who can play the piano and probably max out their SATs, so my discussion on this topic will be mostly in the form of questions. I always welcome feedback, so please feel free to email me at daddybythemoments@gmail.com, or send me a message on my Twitter page, if you have any responses to this post. Additionally, I'm drinking my first cup of coffee while writing, so chances are good that the article will end much better than it starts...
Now that that's done...
Chua, the Yale law professor and author being interviewed, refers to her parenting style as the "immigrant" style, saying "Millions of people raise their children this way. It’s not just Chinese people. It’s really an immigrant thing." From the article (I have not read the book...yet), the immigrant parenting style she employs - because she was raised this way - involves:
"academic excellence and a lot more rules so that kids grow up much more slowly. No boyfriends. No sleepovers. Total respect for parents. Daily drilling in math and Chinese when they’re little. Speaking Chinese at home."
...but it's okay because:
"What the Chinese parent is conveying to the child is not that “you’ve got to get A’s or else I won’t like you.” On the contrary, it’s, “I believe in you so much, I know that you can be excellent.”"
...and...
"I was raised by extremely strict but extremely loving Chinese immigrant parents, so I experienced this as a kid and I had a lot of issues: “Why can’t I go to my friend’s house? Why does everybody else get to celebrate when they get an A-? Why do I have these chores? Why can’t I go to parties?” To this day I adore my parents and I feel that I owe everything to them."
So, how I understand it, immigrant parenting creates a rigid outline for the child's life and then expects them to fulfill the requirements of that outline while setting aside any personal development, and all that comes off harsh but that's okay because the ends justify the means.
Sounds like something I went through. Oh, not with my parents though...I went through that with a Drill Sergeant in the U.S. Army. They both produce results, but for what purpose and at what cost?
I can see how Chua feels that she is creating an environment that will give her children all the tools for success that they need: determination, discipline, appreciation for the arts and an academic arsenal worthy of an aircraft carrier. But what about the other important aspects to growing up like finding out who you are? Loving and losing? Emotional roller coasters that teach you how to handle yourself? Where do those fit in? As far as I can tell, they don't - and can't - fit into this model of parenting.
Now Chua does have a great point when she says that "although Western parents are the ones that worry so much about self-esteem – and Chinese parents don’t, they assume strength rather than fragility – I wonder if the Chinese approach isn’t better at creating self-esteem". Too many parents in America coddle their children and let their children walk all over them. Just watch a few Nanny 911 episodes and you'd have to agree that American parents do tend to be weak in the areas of structure and consistency. But isn't there a middle ground? What is the motivation behind raising your child like a good little soldier?
The only motivation I can see is fear.
Chua, and other parents employing this rigid system of parenting want to create strong academic soldiers because they are afraid that there is no other way their child will accomplish anything. They are afraid that their child will not be able to fit into the world the way they were built. They are afraid that their children do not come equipped with everything they need to tackle this world deep inside them.
Soon, I'll write a post about taking on your fears and issues so that your children won't have to. In the meantime, please Netflix the movie Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story so that you'll have some context.
Chua even says that, "If you give a [child] the choice to pursue his or her passion, it’s going to be doing Facebook for six hours. I don’t think it’s going to be playing the violin or doing any school work very seriously." Again I say, where is the middle ground? Why does it have to be Facebook or Violin? What happens when the child turns 40, realizes they don't have to play violin and that they might not like it but never had the chance to figure that out?
Personally, I can't subscribe to it. I feel that, just like the apple seed, children come to this earth with all the talents they need to tackle their corner of the world right there within them, and like the blooming flower's petals, each one will reveal itself when the time is right.
But when you cut the flower out of the garden and stick it in a glass with color-dyed water, you'll never know what it would have looked like if you just let it grow naturally.
I've seen what a nurturing, free-range environment can produce. My sister has raised an incredible young lady by being her coach and providing her choices that were parent approved, and then letting her daughter make the decision on which way to go.
That is, in my opinion, being a true leader for your child; being a coach and a guide for your child while they develop themselves emotionally, academically, physically and spiritually. Show your child what bad choices are, then show them all the good choices they can make and let them run wild! Let them explore themselves and discover who they really are and what their natural talents are, not just who you expect them to be! If you force your child into three hours a day of violin, or dance, or piano just because you think it's good for them but not because they asked for it, how will you ever know if they would have been a million-dollar painter, or guitarist, or the next great astronomer? Or who knows, maybe even the next billion-dollar social media innovator...
Special thanks to SR for the topic and to Amy Chua for showing me another choice!
Monday, September 26, 2011
From the 1st Moment...
**Happy Birthday Dad!**
From the moment my wife and I discovered we were going to be parents, I knew that I was going to be a good dad. I knew it because I wasn't going to accept anything less from myself.
No. Matter. What.
It was a blissful moment where I understood my place on this planet was to fulfill the ancient and sacred role of the patriarch, and that I would stand between my family and any harm that comes and when, as inevitably it will, some of life's difficulty gets passed me to my wife or children I will know that they are strong enough to battle it themselves because I have spent all of my time with them working to empower them and help them become their most powerful selves!
But I am blessed for that, because I have worked hard at building that mindset. It is a daunting task, to be a father. Even before your child arrives in this world, it feels a lot like Gandalf must have felt standing on that narrow stone bridge before the Balrog, the weight of all that is hard and scary in this world bearing down on you with fiery fangs and burning eyes.
But like Gandalf, our purpose as fathers is greater than ourselves and we can draw strength from that! Also, like Gandalf, our most important role is not to defend our family, but to strengthen them and empower them so that they can defend themselves.
With that in mind, here is my first entry and an example of how this blog will be written, and how I hope to share enough positive examples of being a good father that the good father in all of you will resonate with some of what I share and shine brightly as a guiding beacon for your family:
Daddy WIN: Tackling the Truck Monster!
My daughter of 19 months shows very little fear in her, something I know will prove challenging for me in the future. For now, I love it and I encourage it. I hang back when she wanders in the store, just enough that I can get to her when she trips before she realizes it stings, but far enough away that she feels independent. When she falls, I don't gasp, I tell her she's fine and ask her to smile for me. It works, trust me on this - she can now biff with the best of them and comes up laughing!
The one thing she has been afraid of though is the sound of the garbage truck; that noisy beast that rumbles by every week and wakes her from her nap was terrifying her for weeks before it finally came to me what I should do.
The first thing I remembered was "baby steps". Toddlers love to learn and explore, but one little step at a time.
So, one day the garbage truck arrived and stopped in a particularly noisy area of our apartment complex. My daughter ran up to my wife (also her mom), scared just shy of panic by this monstrous noise outside that she was just sure was about to rip our roof off and devour us all - or whatever it is toddlers imagine when they are scared.
I scooped my baby girl up and said, "We're going to go outside and see something new!" She looked at me with wide baby girl eyes and said, "Outside?" I carried her outside to where we could see the garbage truck and stopped just shy of where she would start freaking out again, then pointed, saying over and over "Truck! BIG Truck!" Then I pointed to the truck driver and said, "That's the man that drives it." He waved (thanks to him for being a good sport) and I continued, "It's just a really big car, a BIG beep beep!"
The look of surprise and wonder was amazing and totally worth the five minutes it took to run my little girl outside and do this! I waved to the truck, feeling a little stupid but in a good way. "Say, 'hi truck'!" I said. "Hi, tuck!" was her response. As the garbage truck drove off, I waved some more and said, "Bye, truck!" To which she mimicked, "Bye tuck, BYE TUCK!!"
Now, when she hears the loud noise, she gets excited and tells whoever is nearest, "Tuck! Hi Tuck! Bye Tuck!"
It took five minutes of my time to be my daughter's hero and forever banish that shapeless monster from her mind, replacing it instead with the friendly image of our local garbage truck. That's all it really ever takes though, just a few minutes to get involved and make a difference, to show them that it's not so scary after all, to show them that they are stronger than they think. But it takes getting involved, setting aside the remote, the newspaper, the game controller, the cell phone or the laptop, to show them that they are strong and how they can be even stronger. That is priceless, and worth all the time in the world.
From the moment my wife and I discovered we were going to be parents, I knew that I was going to be a good dad. I knew it because I wasn't going to accept anything less from myself.
No. Matter. What.
It was a blissful moment where I understood my place on this planet was to fulfill the ancient and sacred role of the patriarch, and that I would stand between my family and any harm that comes and when, as inevitably it will, some of life's difficulty gets passed me to my wife or children I will know that they are strong enough to battle it themselves because I have spent all of my time with them working to empower them and help them become their most powerful selves!
But I am blessed for that, because I have worked hard at building that mindset. It is a daunting task, to be a father. Even before your child arrives in this world, it feels a lot like Gandalf must have felt standing on that narrow stone bridge before the Balrog, the weight of all that is hard and scary in this world bearing down on you with fiery fangs and burning eyes.
But like Gandalf, our purpose as fathers is greater than ourselves and we can draw strength from that! Also, like Gandalf, our most important role is not to defend our family, but to strengthen them and empower them so that they can defend themselves.
With that in mind, here is my first entry and an example of how this blog will be written, and how I hope to share enough positive examples of being a good father that the good father in all of you will resonate with some of what I share and shine brightly as a guiding beacon for your family:
Daddy WIN: Tackling the Truck Monster!
My daughter of 19 months shows very little fear in her, something I know will prove challenging for me in the future. For now, I love it and I encourage it. I hang back when she wanders in the store, just enough that I can get to her when she trips before she realizes it stings, but far enough away that she feels independent. When she falls, I don't gasp, I tell her she's fine and ask her to smile for me. It works, trust me on this - she can now biff with the best of them and comes up laughing!
The one thing she has been afraid of though is the sound of the garbage truck; that noisy beast that rumbles by every week and wakes her from her nap was terrifying her for weeks before it finally came to me what I should do.
The first thing I remembered was "baby steps". Toddlers love to learn and explore, but one little step at a time.
So, one day the garbage truck arrived and stopped in a particularly noisy area of our apartment complex. My daughter ran up to my wife (also her mom), scared just shy of panic by this monstrous noise outside that she was just sure was about to rip our roof off and devour us all - or whatever it is toddlers imagine when they are scared.
I scooped my baby girl up and said, "We're going to go outside and see something new!" She looked at me with wide baby girl eyes and said, "Outside?" I carried her outside to where we could see the garbage truck and stopped just shy of where she would start freaking out again, then pointed, saying over and over "Truck! BIG Truck!" Then I pointed to the truck driver and said, "That's the man that drives it." He waved (thanks to him for being a good sport) and I continued, "It's just a really big car, a BIG beep beep!"
The look of surprise and wonder was amazing and totally worth the five minutes it took to run my little girl outside and do this! I waved to the truck, feeling a little stupid but in a good way. "Say, 'hi truck'!" I said. "Hi, tuck!" was her response. As the garbage truck drove off, I waved some more and said, "Bye, truck!" To which she mimicked, "Bye tuck, BYE TUCK!!"
Now, when she hears the loud noise, she gets excited and tells whoever is nearest, "Tuck! Hi Tuck! Bye Tuck!"
It took five minutes of my time to be my daughter's hero and forever banish that shapeless monster from her mind, replacing it instead with the friendly image of our local garbage truck. That's all it really ever takes though, just a few minutes to get involved and make a difference, to show them that it's not so scary after all, to show them that they are stronger than they think. But it takes getting involved, setting aside the remote, the newspaper, the game controller, the cell phone or the laptop, to show them that they are strong and how they can be even stronger. That is priceless, and worth all the time in the world.
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